i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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