Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
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