Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
