3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize