I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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