Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
