When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
