Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
