I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize