I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize