We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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