Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
