Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
