you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
