Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You made out with two different species that night
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I supernannyed him into submission
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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