Whod you bang
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
