too bad you live with your parents still
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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