4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
