she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
