my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
