You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
