Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
