go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
