It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
