judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
