Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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