OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
