I heard we made out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
