the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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