Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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