Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
