Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is Oprah even human
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
