She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
