New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
