never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
