I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
