i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
