I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
