I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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