oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
