Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
