He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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