you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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