I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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