That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
