My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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