Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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