Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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