So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
