I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
