I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Still dying that you shit outside
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
