Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize