how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
