the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
