I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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