I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
