She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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