i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
