i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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