And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
