I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize