it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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