I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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