you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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