You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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