someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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