im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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