Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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