Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
