it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
