mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
