I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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