apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
