Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
