Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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