just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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